I agree with you, and yet with all of these traditions, I altered them rather than throwing them away.

Our wedding was featured on Offbeat Bride, but reading your piece I’m realizing just how traditional it still was, even though we intentionally tried to subvert tradition.

Like, I did a bouquet toss, but it was a multi-gender crowd diving for it.

Both my parents walked me halfway, then I hugged them goodbye and walked the rest all by myself. I liked the metaphor, and it still satisfied my parents (who generously paid for the wedding).

I changed my name but only because I had no attachment to my old name (it was just my dad’s name, not my name) and my husband and I both wanted to have the same last name as our kid-to-be. He was 100% open to us making up a new name together, but I loved Reeder, so I was happy to take it.

And he proposed, but this was after many conversations about it. I didn’t just wait hopefully. Still, it is weird that my I’m ready cards were on the table and he just hinted about it until he proposed.

Good piece!

Empathy for the win! Published in Gen, Human Parts, Heated, Tenderly —Feminism, Sexuality, Veganism, Anti-Racism, Parenting. She/They darcyreeder.substack.com

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