…ing for themselves in a sexual encounter, partners should work together to meet each other’s needs. One of the best things a previous partner has done for me is always use the term “we” while discussing sexual activity, as in “We can take our time,” “We can do whatever we want,” “We’ll take a break.” He never made me feel as if I was a burden to him.
I love the suggestion to use “we”!
I know when I hear, “It’s cool; We can do what you want,” it doesn’t matter that it’s well-intentioned. Immediately, I feel like, “What I want!? That’s not even an option! It’s never been about what I want!” And it’s just panic and a shame spiral.