I saw traceybyfire’s piece today and immediately thought of yours. Sorry I may not have been sensitive to your personal experience, by just writing it off as a compliment. That’s how it feels from my end, but I get that that’s weird for you, since it’s not in your control. From my perspective, the men I’ve been with who took a long time weren’t really in control of it either; it wasn’t usually their intention to take a long time, so it’s probably pretty rare that anybody decides how long they’d like to fuck without coming. I mean, we can all construct games and stories around that idea of try not to come or come as fast as you can, but the reality seems like almost everyone is worried they’re either coming too fast or not fast enough.

Which is just one more great reason why your great perspective of not centering sex around male ejaculation is a winning idea!

And why it’s so important people compare stories rather than sitting alone wondering, “Am I a weirdo? Does anybody else worry about this?”

I know I prefer less time with intercourse, because sometimes it often hurts after a while, and it also brings up the same insecurities Tracey wrote about. And I start worrying about how my partner is probably worrying, and it can just become a big worry spiral.

Empathy for the win! Published in Gen, Human Parts, Heated, Tenderly —Feminism, Sexuality, Veganism, Anti-Racism, Parenting. She/They darcyreeder.substack.com

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