I totally understand this important distinction.

As I say in my essay, “he loves the combo of a female body and a female gender identity.” So for him, it’s both. So I try to discuss both in the essay, separately.

It would honestly make a lot more sense to me if it was just one he cared about (either gender presentation or body parts), but it really is both for him. We’ve had a lot of conversations about this. I just try to respect and believe him, even though it’s not how sexuality feels to me.