I’m glad you get to have your view told in your own words. I still view your obsession (or what has appeared to me as an obsession from the amount of posting) as harmful, but I acknowledge we have some common ground as well.
I don’t find it convincing when you say you’re not against trans people as a whole, because you continue to purposely misgender trans people. This basic disrespect to me communicates contempt and a premise that you know these people better than they know themselves. I don’t think that’s a good starting point for thinking/talking about any of this.

When you talk about people saying we should kill TERFs, to me it sounds like when some vegans say we should kill meat-eaters. It’s not a reflection of veganism as a whole, or trans activism as a whole. I agree threats to violence aren’t helpful in either case, but I don’t think these threats should make us think of meat-eater or TERF as slurs, or as a victimized class.

For athletes, I think the Radiolab piece I linked to is super-nuanced, and you might find it interesting.

As for detransitioning, I read every word of a link you posted about a parent thinking they heroically saved their kid from being trans, and it sickened and saddened me. We can agree that sometimes someone might wonder if they’re trans and decide later they’re not. But the example I read on your Facebook was not, in my opinion, a supportive parent. It was very upsetting to me.

You just said, “ If this girl transitioned like you would want her to, she would be heterosexual according to you, right?”:

First off, it’s not that I want anyone to transition. I want parents and society to give space for people to figure themselves out themselves and then tell people who they are rather than others thinking they know better. Second off, I have no idea about somebody else’s sexuality either. (Putting aside that transitioning isn’t an all-or-nothing thing) someone might choose to transition then consider themselves hetero. They might transition but not care about passing, might maintain an identity as trans and consider themselves queer. Whatever. It’s not up to me. In my bi/pan-sexual head, it makes the most sense that everyone is queer, but I believe my husband when he tells me he’s totally hetero, even though it doesn’t make sense to me. I don’t believe there’s any value in me telling anyone I know better than them about their gender or their sexuality.

As for the idea that transwomen benefit from male privilege, here’s a nuanced look at that from Florence Ashley.

I think transpeople’s childhoods usually involve a lot of negative feedback from society, because they confuse society, whether they’re out or not. Even if they’re able to pass as cis, this may involve a lot of internal turmoil. I think we agree that the root of the problem is restrictive gender roles.

I think you’re in a feedback loop, reading and posting things by/for people who agree with you, showing a limited view of what trans activists think. I don’t mean to imply you haven’t put time into educating yourself— clearly you have — but what you’re sharing is all horror stories filled with hate speech (misgendering). I read so many of your shares, and I had to step away from it, because it upset me so much. Posting these things over and over gives the view that you think these stories are representative of trans people, and I feel that’s very harmful. I love my trans friends, and they have nothing to do with prison rapists.

Sorry if you feel I did not respond methodically enough. I didn’t think I’d even have the time to respond as much as I did. Mostly I wanted to say that I’m glad that you are able to respond in your own words, but I still disagree on most aspects of this, and I am afraid that if trans people see your posts, they won’t feel safe going to events in the vegan families group. I want everyone to feel/be safe.

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Empathy for the win! Published in Gen, Human Parts, Heated, Tenderly —Feminism, Sexuality, Veganism, Anti-Racism, Parenting. She/They darcyreeder.substack.com

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