In discussing with friends why more women are bi/pan than men, I always hear, “Because women are so hot. Everyone wants women.” (And, sure. Haha.) But there’s so much anti-gay conditioning with men that every time I hear some guy say, “I’m straight, but Brad Pitt…” or, like you said, “I can tell he’s attractive, but I’m not, like, attracted to him,” I just think how many more people would be pansexual if we weren’t conditioned in this binary.

I have a couple of disjointed drafts going right now about me being pan and my husband being firmly hetero, and how it’s important that I believe him, because he knows himself best…but also it’s hard for me to believe that anyone can be 100% gay or straight.