I’ve read quite a few of her pieces where her mom is mentioned. I don’t know which one you’re referring to in particular, but every one I’ve seen has afforded human dignity and been, if anything, I’d say overly generous.

I love the parts of this where you talk about your own experience, but the beginning feels really problematic to me.

I once read another popular Medium writer’s piece and felt immediately angry. I wanted her to think differently, or at least to write differently. I had so many feelings, and I turned it into an essay that I submitted to P. S. I Love You. At which point Kay PMed me and was like, Whoa, I don’t know what your issue is with this writer, but this feels really targeted. If you want to go back and just make it about the personal stuff instead of about her, we’d be happy to publish that.

It was the first time they’d rejected anything from me, and when I read it again, I realized, even though in my head I imagined the other writer might read it and it might change her for the better — how she lived her life or how she wrote about it — it also could just make her feel really uncomfortable and not change anything.

I took Kay’s advice and turned it into a piece about how important friendships with other parents were to me when I was a new, struggling mom. My original piece had taken issue with the other writer for devaluing mom friendships.

Anyway, I was glad to have an editor, in that instance. So often whatever inspires a piece doesn’t actually need to be in the piece. It’s background that helps solidify for us what we feel. I’m glad I edited; the inspiration was still the same — my angry feelings about how another Medium writer was writing callously about something that’s been literally life-saving for me— but my piece was stronger without those details.

Oh, and as to love and resentment… Love itself — this grand idea/feeling, in its purest sense — may not be resentful, but love and resentment certainly can get all mixed up, and I find honest narratives about such things to have a lot of value.

Phew! I haven’t even found time to publish this week, as my daughter’s starting Kindergarten and I’m spending extra-special time with her, but I really wanted to respond about this.

Empathy for the win! Published in Gen, Human Parts, Heated, Tenderly —Feminism, Sexuality, Veganism, Anti-Racism, Parenting. She/They darcyreeder.substack.com

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