Thank you for this perspective. It’s really helpful to hear a possible explanation for all the feelings I went through. I’m sorry you’ve gone through trauma as well.
I met my husband on OKCupid. He is really unique. I mean, we all are, but right away I just knew I could trust him. He had a book about affirmative consent open on his floor when I first saw his apartment.
Despite having a partner who would never want to physically harm me, I still suffer from what you’re describing, bracing myself when he or anyone makes a sudden movement. I ask for a lot of patience because of this (during sex especially), and it’s hard for my husband to understand, but he believes me and cares. It comes and goes. Sometimes I feel so comfortable, and sometimes I totally freeze up with fear.