Thank you for this perspective. It’s really helpful to hear a possible explanation for all the feelings I went through. I’m sorry you’ve gone through trauma as well.

I met my husband on OKCupid. He is really unique. I mean, we all are, but right away I just knew I could trust him. He had a book about affirmative consent open on his floor when I first saw his apartment.

Despite having a partner who would never want to physically harm me, I still suffer from what you’re describing, bracing myself when he or anyone makes a sudden movement. I ask for a lot of patience because of this (during sex especially), and it’s hard for my husband to understand, but he believes me and cares. It comes and goes. Sometimes I feel so comfortable, and sometimes I totally freeze up with fear.

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Empathy for the win! Published in Gen, Human Parts, Heated, Tenderly —Feminism, Sexuality, Veganism, Anti-Racism, Parenting. She/They darcyreeder.substack.com

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