When I was 24, we used to have bands play at the punkhouse I lived at. It was me and a bunch of dudes living there, and one night one of them called me out on wearing pjs during all the shows: “You’re never gonna meet anybody dressed like that. Try a little.”

I was immediately defensive: “This is my house. I can wear whatever I want.”

Also, more than a little tired of men telling me what to wear.

But it woke me up. A steady stream of people I found cool and attractive were delivering themselves to my door, and I was unwashed in ratty pajamas.

I tried a little and it was worth it. Though those were just fun hookups…. I still met my next ex online.

Empathy for the win! Published in Gen, Human Parts, Heated, Tenderly —Feminism, Sexuality, Veganism, Anti-Racism, Parenting. She/They darcyreeder.substack.com

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